“Sometimes I think there are a great many women behind, and sometimes only one, and she crawls around fast and her crawling shakes it all over…” – The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman
It was 1 AM on Sunday, November 7. But really it was 12 AM…or 2 AM. The time change always screws me up. So there I was, awake in bed,waiting for my husband-to-be to return from a late-night band gig, and that’s when-as the late great Shel Silverstein would say–the Whatifs crawled inside my ear. What if the dandelion wine we’re serving at our first Thanksgiving is awful? What if the duct-taped rearview mirror on our car falls off? I settled on: What if I left the coffee maker on at work and the building is currently burning down? Yep, that should sufficiently keep me up for the rest of the night.
After googling “Can a Mr. Coffee burn a building down?” (you can find pretty much whatever answer you want to find) for a bit, I decided to put my anxiety about becoming an accidental arsonist to good use by making some cocoa almonds, a delicious snack I saw in a cookbook that I’ve forgotten the title of (but I’ve added the recipe below). However, as I was standing in my well-lit kitchen at 2 AM (or 1 AM or 3 AM), I noticed we had no curtain on our kitchen window and, of course, immediately began to worry that some creep was watching me coat my nuts in chocolate. Well, it’s only 2 AM (or 1 AM or 3 AM), never too late to make curtains! This way it would make an interesting police report when they arrested me for burning my workplace down: “The suspect was found humming to Patsy Cline and sewing a long curtain to hang next to her oven, presumably so that she could then set her own apartment on fire.”
This Halloween I am going as a procrastinator- who planned to but did not write a brilliant post about Halloween costumes including color photos and a 3-paragraph rant on how kids these days (and by kids I mean adults) aren’t creative enough about making their own costumes and “Down with Halloweeen USA and sexy cops!” and bla bla bla.
I was going to add a hilarious picture of my brother dressed as Indiana Jones when he was a child, a look on his face like he’s going to lash whoever is behind the camera with his homemade whip, and me standing next to him in a full cat-bodysuit looking like, well, looking like a five-year-old stuck in a cat suit trying not to touch her face lest she rub off her painted whiskers. Or post the picture of my niece when she was a five-year-old stuck in a butterfly costume, bawling because we put pipe cleaners in her braids so they would stick up like antennas. Or tell you about how my mother would dress up as a pregnant woman every year…and how my dad always almost believed her when she greeted him in her pillow-stuffed house robe and curlers. Every time, to my memory, he laughed and then said, “This is a costume right?”
I was going to dedicate this post to the beauty of pop-up cards and their ability to brighten the day of friends or family with their 3D awesomeness. I was going to show this awesome children’s book that I found on the free table at a library and talk about all the wonderful collages I planned to make with it.
I was going to make a beautiful collage/pop-up card for my friend and brag about what a great and cheap gift it is. I was going to take brighter pictures. I did cut out this literate rhinoceros.