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I Lettered in Crafts: Just Married Banner

6 Oct

If there’s anything I love more than my brand new husband…mmm, nope, there isn’t. Let’s say if there’s anything I love more than… buttered saltines, that’s pretty far up there.

Okay, if there’s anything I love more than buttered saltines, it’s awesome banners. I love the banner-worthy event that had to occur in order to necessitate a banner. I love how it takes two or more people to hang them (that’s cooperation!). I love the way that, in movies and television shows, half of the banner will fall down right after a character ruins a surprise party.

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Poop in a Group: Classin’ Up the Port-a-Johns

6 Jul

Having a barn wedding, like  I am, can be very posh indeed: sparkling lights, fancy dresses, wine and cheese, dancing in the moonlight. But the truth is, people are gonna to have to go. You know…gooo. And although, with the crowd we’re inviting, the nearby cornfields would suffice, we made the call to get swanky and rent some port-a-johns. No expense is too great for our guests.

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But Not Hooper Humperdink: The Invitations

8 Jun

I don’t remember thinking about my wedding day when I was a little girl, but if I did, I was definitely imagining the party that little a-hole throws and invites everyone except Hooper Humperdink to in the children’s book Hooper Humperdink…? Not Him! by Dr. Seuss. That party was awesome. He ordered 10 tons of ice cream and had eskimos deliver it. Off the hizzook.

That kid probably sky-wrote his invitation from a plane. We didn’t quiiiiite get to that level, but we did make ’em ourselves so I thought I would show them off.

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Stamp the Date: Wedding Task 1 of 84 Bazillion

22 Jan

I’ve become that woman.

I wake up thinking about table centerpieces; I obsess over which menu items seem the most “late-summery”; and I just finished an email where I tried to describe a color as “take like a mauve but more purple and then make Italian ice out of it, that’s the color I’m looking for”.

I’m getting married and it’s made me go crazy.

At first, I really didn’t think it would take too much thought. Love, a pretty dress, food, band, booze. Then I joined and was told I had 349 things on my to-do list and 46 of them were overdue. I counted again: love (1), pretty dress (2)… (three hours later)… call to book guest hotel rooms (347), make seating tags (348), make sure my brother really isn’t planning on wearing a Superman Snuggie (349).

Oh @#%*.

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