Great reasons to have a Fall House Party at your place:
- To convince people you’re not anti-social…without having to go outside.
- Pass off your sub-par cleaning skills as Halloween decoration (Keep the cobwebs. Clean your toilet.)
- Good way to get the person you’re stalking to come over and check out that new shrine you’ve been working on.
- Built-in group to pitch your new pyramid scheme to.
- Because I have some great fall party themes and I’m going to tell you about them right nnnnnnnnn…
1. Goonies Never Say Die: A The Goonies viewing party
Everyone loves the Goonies and if they don’t, you should definitely not be friends with them. Unless they’re too young to have watched Goonies, and if they are, stop being a creep and hang out with people your own age and no Internet priveleges for a week. Goonies is the perfect blustery day, kind of scary, but more just goofy fall flick.
To have a Goonies Never Say Die party, make a pre-viewing dinner based on the movie with delectable eats such as:
“It’s Wet Ain’t It” drinks, preferably water that’s as brown as ice tea
Pinchers of Peril main course: this could be lobster, if you’re rich and famous or anything served with chopsticks.
OR Sloth burgers: serve kind of gross looking burgers with something drooling off of them and call them Sloth burgers or stack ‘em high and call them Big MOUTH Burgers.
One Eyed WillPEAs: I’m so clever.
For dessert: Truffle Shuffle truffles, mini Baby Ruths and, of course, ice cream: “They got Pralines and Cream. And they got Mississippi Mud. And they got Chocolate Eruption!”
Have your dinner and a movie, maybe trade favorite lines, throw a treasure hunt, or get drunk and practice your Sloth voice. Then, when everyone is obviously tired and looking for an excuse to leave, repeat the entire scene from the bottom of the well and every time they go for their car keys tell them it’s allllllll gonna be over the second they ride up Troy’s bucket. Also if they ask where the bathroom is say, “Mikey, this isn’t the kind of place you want to go to the bathroom in” and refuse to let them use it.
2. BOOze: A Scary Mixology Party
Too hungover to think of a creative party idea? This party theme is just charming enough to get the girls dressed up as slutty cops and angels and clowns over without enticing those cerebral chicks who dress up as Silenced by Capitalism or A Grassroots Movement and harsh everyone’s buzz.
Make ghostly, Halloween themed drinks like these these from Endless Simmer. Brain Hemorrhage anyone? Don’t bother fussing with cleverly named spooky food. Serve the drunkard’s dream feast: pigs in a blanket. And keep ‘em comin’.
3. Poe Posh: Edgar Allan, Party Animal
Edgar Allen Poe really was kind of party animal. If you count being an alcoholic and marrying your cousin and dying delusional in the middle of the street, unexplainably, in someone else’s clothes, as “wild N crazy”. If you want to be Spooky Chic this October, throw a posh Poe themed bash in honor of the famous macabre author and America’s first Goth kid.
Ideas from the party can be gleaned right from the themes of Poe’s writing: death, horror, decomposing bodies, bloody hearts, ravens, anything “Grotesque and Arabesque”. To decorate, drape black lace over everything and cut out these templates of ravens from Martha to put in your windows. Add a 19th century feel by lighting lots of candles, designating your front room the “parlor” and having everyone drop their annoying &*@#ing cell phones in a basket by the door (this is also a good way to avoid your guests getting text messages about more awesome parties). Have party-goers dress in all black, drink mulled wine from fake skulls. Serve “Poe” boy sandwiches and any gorey side dishes you can think of. If you’re having trouble thinking of cutesy gross nicknames for your snacks, deem the whole menu Consumption Buffet. Get it? Like to consume but also like consumption, the disease Poe’s wife and pretty much everyone else he knew died from?
4. Don’t Leaf Me: Emotionally Unstable Parties
If you’ve got an inkling your significant other is planning a breakup before the holiday gift-giving and family-visiting season gets going, why not host a Don’t Leaf Me party? If there was ever a way to convince your lover that you’re not crazy/needy, it’s by getting all your mutual friends together and having them sit awkwardly through a DVD presentation of all the reasons you two should stay together 4 EVA.
Decorate with dead leaf garland (dead like his love for you) like this stuff from my previous post. Serve leaf-y green salad, Maple wood smoked meats, and those little leaf-shaped cookies with the frosting in the middle for dessert. Damn, I love those cookies. Surprise your sweetheart by letting him think it’s just the two of you settling in for a nice long talk about your relationship. Then, when he walks in, “SURPRISE! I brought Great-Grandma over from the nursing home. And I taught her how to lip-synch to Al Green’s Let’s Stay Together!”
If you like the leaf idea, but have never had a boyfriend to beg to stay, you could try these other versions of fun-with-the-word-leaf:
Leaf Me Alone: One last hurrah before you go into hibernation for the winter.
Please BeLEAF Me: If you’re on trial, invite the jurors over for treats n’ bribes.
5. STUFFed: A Fat Pants Party
By November, chances are your britches and your budget are going to be getting tighter, especially the day after Thanksgiving. You could go to the mall on Black Friday and get new clothes that fit, but you’re broke and they’ve still got that restraining order on you at K-Mart. So instead, invite your girlfriends over to a STUFFed soiree: as in, I stuffed myself so much yesterday, I can’t fit into any of my stuff, so give me your stuff.
On the day after Turkey Day, have gal pals come in their comfiest elastic-banded clothes with armloads of STUFF they don’t want anymore. This could be anything from skinny jeans to jewelry to toaster ovens (In fact, it’s better if you add accessories and/or appliances so that guests that don’t wear the same size clothes as anyone else can still get some good junk). Put all of the STUFF out in one room for the ladies to browse and designate another room as a dressing area. Then give each guest an old shopping bag and tell them to load up with one-ladie’s-trash type treasures. If hair-pulling ensues, why that’s all the more entertaining, and at least you didn’t have to get up at 6 AM and wait in line to do it.
After you’ve all loaded up your bags, fill up your bellies on Thanksgiving leftovers (or Chinese takeout if you’re sick of turkey and pie) until your guests aren’t even sure they’ll fit into their “new” clothes. Everyone leaves with full bellies and full shopping bags for FREE. Plus, you’ve politely offered to haul all their crap to a donation site the next day so it’s extra kharma for you, little piggy!